Oh my god. I'm at a loss for words. I'm in total shock. What the hell, man.

Omfg, I don't know what to make of this. What the hell, what the hell. I absolutely have no idea to approach this. I don't even know if it's "mlia" or "fml"

At least that little depression spell went and dissipated. Time to get back to living life to the fullest!

Why do I feel his way? It doesn't even make sense anymore. It's pointless. Of all the things to get jealous of, why this insignificant thing?

夏休みドラマ発動！

It's not really drama though. It's just...stuff that accumulates through the summer. No biggie, right? It's not like tear-jerking korean soap operas or cheesy tagalog teleseryes where the plots twist and winds to the point of incomprehension with it culminating into an insipid cesspool of incestuous relations. That'd be a really messed up life to live through; a complete FML moment, well not *JUST* a moment, but more like a lifetime.

Sidetrack: I did watch one J-Drama this summer. It's called Love Shuffle. 10 episodes. I was thoroughly entertained. It wasn't like a conventional drama though, just exactly the type I liked: Romance-Comedy. Pretty good I might say, and not one of your run-of-the-mill kinds where it's a tragic drama and someone dies from an incurable disease or some other.

Anywho, back on track.

I feel I shouldn't really have a "squee" moment...or "squee" to anyone at all since I get uncomfortable and stuff. I'm not used to it I guess, and it's like one of those recent developments where you're still trying to fit into the skin of; like a recently developed emotion I guess where it's like "Oh damn, turns out my heart isn't that numb after all. hah". Still in the awkwardness phase, but you'll outgrow it--kind of thing. "squee"-ing to someone also makes me feel guilty somewhat. It's somewhat akin to saying that "oh this person's awesome" all the while the listener gets the inflection that goes "And what am I, a watermelon?" It's that bad feeling I get where it's like I'm adding insult to injury; pouring salt on wounds; saying "you're ugly and I'm drunk, but in the morning I'll be sober and yet you shall remain ugly" anectdote

Anyway, "squee" from a personal point of view, coming from someone who's been a wallflower for the most of high school...or more like "person who tends to stay away from the action" or "prefers to not be in the spotlight" kind of guy. Not entirely the "anti-social" kind either...just laid back, sailing through high-school, trying to stay drama free and all. it's kinda weird after high school where there is no spotlight and people disperse...then you start to find out people did have a crush on you or they still have a crush or some other on you.

It's hard to believe, especially from someone who's inherently humble (stating this proves otherwise, but bear with me. no time for cyclical talk.) and not to mention painstakingly and extraordinarily...ordinary. It's a moment where one goes "say it again for me please, I just day-dreamed." It's very surreal; to think that someone who looks like THAT, the epitome of attractiveness, one of the coveted divinity, one you would consider at the zenith of popularity in high-school standards, says "you're the type of person I like" or "you get my mojo going. vavavavoom."

I mean, hot damn, someone slap me, I MUST be day-dreaming.

It invokes a sort of je ne sais qouis...a sort of "what's a deity like you want to have ANYTHING to do with someone that looks like...me?" (What's a chick like you doing in a bar like this? lawl.) It's an inexplicable feeling; one that I can associate with a song: I Got You by Chris Cayzer. I've never done anything special or extraordinary or had anything like that happen to me. "I never had the girls look twice my way/ and when they noticed I never knew what to say." I guess that best suits it.

it's weird and unexpected. I shouldn't let it get to my head though. I will not let it get to my head.

Oh boy, I'm in for a world of hurt.

I think that concludes today's random blog at 2 AM. Bwahah.

Scars

One of the bad habits I've always had is to always pick at my cuts. I always wanted to make them bleed again for some reason. I always pick at the scabs of my cuts even though I'm told not to. I even tell myself not to, but I always end up doing so. Even when the scab is no longer there, and the cut has healed, I still tend to scratch the scar that's left, eventually brining forth some sort of rash that develops into a new cut. Though I wonder, when and if I'll ever stop picking at my cuts...or my scars. More importantly, why do I like to see old scars bleed?

It's like a bad reference to a song, but predates it.

今、抱きしめたい。でも、抱きしめると、多分ね、力がなくて、もうはなせるは出来ない。涙がいくつでも泣いて、もうはなさないで。

wasurenai...wasureraretakunai.

-tameiki-

wo xiang yao na bu ke neng dan shi ke yi. ano hi ni, wo de lao peng you no hanashi wa tada pagkakataon. pero harinawa't dili sono fuu ni. boku wa...akiramenai. demo akiramenakattara...nani ga atta ka na....

kono hi ni, nanka shiawase o kanjiru. wo hen gao xing la. yin wei wo lao peng you boku ni hanasu wa mou hajimatte... mou ni nen mae, wo men wa warui kimochi ga otagai ni kanjiru to ka...itsu yori mo nandemo tatakau o suru. sono ri ni, mou nanimo shou. demo, jing tian wo hen gao xing. wo totemo, xin kara, yokatta. xin kara, warau.

It's been a year.

It's been a year since I made that decision.
A decision that I thought at the time would be the a kind of life-change inducing decision.
It seemed like being in a heightened state of euphoria and yet there was this empty feeling in the pit of my gut.
I thought I'd just ride it out, that it's a normal feeling.
But no, it's not.
I'm convinced it's not.
It certainly should not feel like that, not at all.
In retrospect, I thought it was a huge life changing one...and from my point of view right now, not that much has changed, at least I think it hasn't.

I remember exactly what I did last year, this time.
It's my parent's anniversary, to which I just blew off; we were supposed to go as a family to dinner, but I decided against it.
It was a bad decision one after the other.
Looking back right now, I feel like I was a total asshole and jerk.
Heck, that could as well summarize my whole spring last year; I was a jerk.
Luckily, I managed to pull myself up from that pit of despair come summer-time.
I don't think I'll do anything of the sorts anytime soon.
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe when it feels worth it again, I'll endeavor another stunt like that.

But for now, I am, or not, content.
It variates.
It's not just one thing.
It's like that constant up and down; half-empty/half-full feeling.
Should I try to make the pieces fit again?

(one of) The Happiest Place(s) on Earth.

It all started with me waking up at 5:11, just noticing my phone's alarm going off. didn't notice it though. Apparently, we were running on Filipino time. We were planning on leaving around 6 AM but never actually left the house until 7. Soon we were on our way. There wasn't so much traffic though. We pretty much went through it. Then we got parked, walked to the tram and we were on our way.

When we got off, we headed straight for the...atrium I guess? There were already hoards of people lined up and they barely began letting people in. It went by pretty quickly though. We then separated and Nick, Joan and I headed for Tomorrow Land. The ride that symbolized tomorrowland was broken though, not that I wanted to ride it or anything. It just looked like a giant eyesore.



I aimed straight for Astro Blasters. Now, we had separated from my parents, or so I thought. Turns out they were right behind us. Surprise surprise. Anyway, I got a higher score than all of them though. 199800. Take that Kuya Jon. Lol. I called him right after that to uh...rub it in I guess? we really separated from our parents at that time.


Then after, we went to the Finding Nemo ride. I was still on the phone with Jon at this time, but not for long. I think we stood in line for a good 10 minutes or so. not bad I guess. "Aaaaaah. We're underwater and moving!" I immediately started feeling waterlogged. and it had just occured to me that it was a closed space.! Whoa bubbles. And starfish. Aaaaah we're sinkiiing. I think I'm getting seasick. Deep water volcano whaaat?! Wtf clams with pearls? Oh shit its dark! Aaah crabs aaah shark! aaaaaaaaaah explosion! Underwater volcano...has molten lava? we're in the whale?! Wtffff. Motion sickness fml. @.@ It had just occured to me that I didn't really pay attention to the story of the ride, just the details. haha.



Long line for indiana jones. The wait just switched from 15 to 20 mins. Fml. Got through line one...time for another line. Now we're going through a miner's cave tomb thing. Corridor of spikes. Lawl. Long walk is long homgah. Oh ffs, the line is longer than the ride. Ok we're on the car but something's wrong with the car in front of us. Wtfook. O.o technical difficulties. ok that ride just made me dizzy but had a blast with sibs. Nick pointed out that Indy had something up his ass xD also...long walk out is long. Onto the bathroom then potc!

Potc time. No line. Wootwoot. Didn't go to the bathroom after all.potc was no different. We were singing along to the song in the POTC, but...everyone just knew the "Yo Ho Yo ho a pirate's life for me" part. Everyone just seemed to mumble along with the other parts. There was this fog-like waterfall illusion thing that had Davy Jones in it. Davy jones reminded me of sushi. This time we actually screamed for fun, when we were going down a smaller slope. Bumper boats, the boats ahead of us kept stopping. it got annoying for a while though. Lameskies. Well, not worth going through. No wait anyway. S'all good.

Haunted house time. Line is long. Wtf. Tradeoff with potc I guess. Ok wow, that was lame, kinda like in Gradnite. so anticlimactic.

All in all, 5 rides in two hours. Not bad at all.

So we're dining at frontier land. While waiting, we're staring at goats graze and...take a dump. Lovely. Don't know what to ride on next though, but I am absolutely hungry. Oooh white turkey! Haha. Nick say the thing the goats are eating looks like frozen turd lol.



Ok lunch time! *refer to picture* that was filling. The beef and the chicken were awesome. There's also a metro ceremony thing too. The mascots were there. A lot. Lol though I got to take a picture with my favorites, max and goofy. Mlr.

Fantasyland went through sleeping beauty castle. Then hightailed it to space mountain...which was closed. So we went to honey I shrunk the audience instead. So after we got out of that, seems like space mountain is open again so we're gonna try that...again. So now we're waiting 45 mins for space mountain. Whatever I said earlier about long lines being long...well, that was more or less an understatement. This line is hella...hella. Long. Oh yeah, remember when I hoarded those multilingual maps? Well, I lost it somehow during lunch. So I'm left with my limited japanese and chinese skills on the map. Fml. So we got inside the building and walked down several corridors. And hell. There's a line INSIDE. The building. Chou fml da yo ne. God. Space mountain was awesome...but im hella dizzy from it. Seriously, what the hell. Too many lights. Turns. Stops. I felt the effects of gravity! The hellllll. X.x and we just got out. Joan had to go to the bathroom and she couldn't find us. She looked all lost and stuff. Haha. A friend of mine, michelle, was coincidentally in disneyland as well. I found out through aim she asked if they could cut in line for space mountain and I said sure, if they can find us. But as soon as I sent that, we entered the building. I'm hoping to run into her later or something. Its been a while since last saw her. 2 years I think.

I wanted to go on the buzz lightyear ride again but the line was absurdly and unreasonably long. So we're currently at the jungle cruise line right now. I've never bee on this ride before. The whole thing would have been boring if it weren't for the driver, irwin, who's as dry as can be. Interesting at blast.

So we went outside at 2.00 since there's no time for another ride because we gotta check into the hotel at 3. So we went out and into downtown disney. We walked around and all the way to the end, we found the lego store! And there were huge lego blocks out front. I tried to climb its humongously...humongous brickness but...well. There was nothing to grab onto and I kept falling off. So what happened was I just took a picture of me poking it. I swear I was in heaven. I got two things. Total around 32. So I owe joan. But whatever. I'm happy. We're walking back to disneyland now. We're gonna wait in the picnic area. Which gives me time to build my two newly bought legos. I was town whether to buy this one 390 piece figure one but it was a vehicle...I despise it, but I do like the challenge. I also had a picture with Tahu, life size and made out of lego bricks! Haah. So On the way back, joan got some jamba, where I'm typing this up. Shortly after. We're on our way to the picnic area. And yes, I'm aware that I'm immature. But yeah. I love my legos.

Turns out the picnic area is closed. So we just waited near it. Within5 minutes of waiting, the two lovebirds showed up and we're on our way to the parking structure. We're gonna go into the hotel nao. Nyarh.

So we go to the first best western we see....turns out there were two and we were in the wrong one. Haha. Anyway we got checked in. I built my legos, literally chilled cuz we got ac. Then all problems came up.

So now my dad joan and I are on our way to disneyland again oh god I chose the wrong time to go back. The parade was barely starting so main street is hella packed. Ugh srsly. But I cut through that like a hot knife on butter. Long legs are good for something after all. So now I'm waiting for innoventions. I'm all alone and stuff, since my partner in crime is MIA. He's all cranky and stuff. But yeah. And randomly, for some odd reason, I kep losing signal for my internet. I'm looking at the line for space mountain right now. I can see it through the balcony. It's like, uber long. Imo it wasn't worth it. I just got hella dizzy from it. Ugh. So now we're being ushered into the rotating platform. How trippy. I think I might get motion sickness or something. "We'll see you in the future, the 'cast' member says. I wonder if they hate or like this job. Lol. Innoventions was interesting. There was guitar hero. Owned. Hah.but now where to....I just passed by astro blasters again it's so unreasonably long. It frustrates me -_- oh well. I guess I'll have to be content with the 199800 score I got.

So I've been aimlessly walking around. I refuse to go on any other rollercoasters simply because they don't make me go lol. >.< so now I just decided to sit and wait for the fireworks in...I forget if its frontierland, adventureland or critterland...but whatever, it's the place with the moat and davy crocket's island. I kep trying to call dad and joan but I guess there's no signal in indiana jones' tomb. My internet is down too so I can't check the website for when the fireworks schedule is. Oh well. I guess I'll wait it out. I am now officially bored with disneyland. Disneyland sucks when you go by yourself. Oops, there goes a balloon. Looks like a flying saucer though. lols. Its getting dark. And im getting hungry. And its cold too. -sigh- disneyland sucks when you're alone o.o I'm waiting here, on a bench. All alone too. Hella loner, damn o.o. Well I've been waiting here in new orleans square, which is actually more of a curve, for a while now. Dad and joan not answering phone. Its getting relatively cold. Im hella hungry. Yep. Jet is not a happy camper. I decided to call it quits at 8.32 and started heading back to the hotel....and as I was making my way through adventureland, I run into dad and joan. Apparently I had been waiting in the wrong place for the fireworks....and that its at 9.30. Fml. Its only 8.36. Im hella hungry. And internet is still down...fml.

So joan and I were looking for a temporary fix for our hunger. We went down mainstreet and back up then into adventureland and through it...ultimately we decided on coffee for me and hot cocoa for her. Line isn't too long but there's only one attendant...so its a sow line. Oy vey. So we did get it. And we went back to main street. 20 mins later, we find out the fireworks were cancelled due to extreme winds. Oh well. I heard a lot of booing and jeering...people all got up and left...all at once. It was like a mad rush to the gate. Haha. But we eventually got out. Then we left as well...ate mcdonalds for dinner and headed back to the hotel room. The end. :D

Peniicrg Evny.

lately, I've been wanting to get real piercings in my earlobes....then graduate to small plugs, like Jeff. I went with him to the swap meet earlier so he could buy some plugs. $5 for a pair. Not bad I'd say. I wanted to get some myself but...the problem being, no holes in my earlobes. Though I kind of want to get piercings, no doubt my parents would kill me if I did. if not, they'd order me to let it re-fill. The closest thing I have to real piercings right now are magnetic studs....that kind of hurt after wearing after a while, since the pressure between the magnet kinda pancake my earlobe. It's just so...gaaah. I have no idea why it apeals to me right now, but I want to get my earlobes pierced now!

Not bad for a mini-post. Eh. lol

And about the title. Can you read it? xD

Damnit all to hell. I think my stitches just fell out. And I have this bloody taste in my mouth right now. Daaaaaaaaamn this. -_-

-Mobile blog

Mood variations

I hate it how your mood changes depending on whether you're in a relationship or not. Not the emotion you employ when you're treated positively or negatively by your significant other...I'm talking about how you treat other people; e.g. your friends, family changes depending on whether you're in a relationship or not.

I hate how your moral compass basically goes south-side once you go through this eventful thing. As I've noticed, someone who once had your back now goes against you. It's an odd feeling. Normally you'd be scintillated to go visit another mutual friend of yours too. for example, A, B and C; A is B's brother. B got a girlfriend. A and B are both friends with C and the other way around. However, A wants to go to C's house. The usual occurance, before B got un-single-fied, B would have willingly gone. But when B got un-single, A asked B to come with to C's house, but B would rather stay home and lounge around....And that's without considering other factors.

Perhaps it's a form of jealousy. Despite this, it is, regardless, irksome. Or maybe it's just me, who dislikes change for the decline. I dunno.

Lately I've also been unable to talk as well, nor project my voice as loud as I would normally could. Regardless of which, no one seems to listen to me anyway, loud or otherwise. Maybe this enigmatic anger-angst-rage-filled mood I'm feeling is amplified by the painkillers I'm taking? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it's just weather related again. I dunno.

Today, I'm unsure whether it was just that people were more annoying than usual or it was just me being irritable. A lot of things aren't working well for me lately. Been under a lot of duress. normally things I would just shrug off, such as a small opposition or a snide comment, perhaps even sometimes crack back at them. But no, lately, everything seems to be infuriating; I can't break out a comeback. Also another attribute to which might be the aftermath of my surgery; being orally handicapped.

Nevertheless, I'm going back to class tomorrow, for the first time of the week. I skipped monday and tuesday(which is today) because of the swelling and the numbness. The swelling has gone down, though I still look like I was beaten up by someone. And as for the numbness, well, it still persists, annoyingly. I still can't shut my jaw, leaving me unable to chew at all.

Blargh, I hope I get well soon...

Testing testing, kin sucks.

-Mobile blog

BG 2/5ths feat Jet.

So today, I opted to sit out class (bad boy, oh yeah.) due to my still-numb lips and swollen jaw. boohoo. I know, it's swollen pretty big. Anyway, my dad called me around 9 and told me to go to Jeremy's place since they needed help installing their new sound system. Today was around 90+ weather...in mid-spring. What the hizzy. I waited for the 10 for about 20-30 mins...then the 754...that never came, so i decided to walk (yes, walk, in blistering 90+ heat) from melrose to Sta. Monica. I was at the corner of Vermont and Sta Monica and the bus was approaching...so I ran across the crosswalk. Along with the fear of bleeding out...good thing I didn't. So I got off at Sta Monica and Sanborn, walked to Jeremy's...and stayed there all afternoon. Ja was in the shower when I got there, so I got immediately to work. Took out cables here and there, inserted this and that, et voila, fixed sound system.

The whole afternoon, Ja, Me and I talked about the most obscure things...From life back int he Marshall Islands, e.g. how they used to go to Co-Op and I used to go to SDA, and that they were rival schools...yet were next door to each other, stuff like that. Bro's Before Ho's kinda stuff...uuuh how Jeff acts weird a lot...Thuy's chicken, ohghad. yeah, I'm pretty talkative for someone who has a swollen face, I admit. But I guess that's how it goes. Most of the time we spent lounging around talking about random stuff. But yeah, My parents came home, Tita Cora made dinner, we went home...and yeah. Nightly chat with Jon, as usual...before that was Heroes. so...I think that's it. not bad for a second post, I think.


Though, I don't write as much as Kin. hahaha.

Epitomal Entry; Log-in!

First things first; Figure out how Blogger works
Second thing: Figure out how to "subscribe" to other people's blogs
Third and continuous project: Simultaneously update along with Xanga

'Nuff said.

That is all.