It's been a year.

It's been a year since I made that decision.
A decision that I thought at the time would be the a kind of life-change inducing decision.
It seemed like being in a heightened state of euphoria and yet there was this empty feeling in the pit of my gut.
I thought I'd just ride it out, that it's a normal feeling.
But no, it's not.
I'm convinced it's not.
It certainly should not feel like that, not at all.
In retrospect, I thought it was a huge life changing one...and from my point of view right now, not that much has changed, at least I think it hasn't.

I remember exactly what I did last year, this time.
It's my parent's anniversary, to which I just blew off; we were supposed to go as a family to dinner, but I decided against it.
It was a bad decision one after the other.
Looking back right now, I feel like I was a total asshole and jerk.
Heck, that could as well summarize my whole spring last year; I was a jerk.
Luckily, I managed to pull myself up from that pit of despair come summer-time.
I don't think I'll do anything of the sorts anytime soon.
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe when it feels worth it again, I'll endeavor another stunt like that.

But for now, I am, or not, content.
It variates.
It's not just one thing.
It's like that constant up and down; half-empty/half-full feeling.
Should I try to make the pieces fit again?